So it begins.

We are closing in on D Day, as I call it, deployment date. For safety sake, I am unable to say exactly when, although people keep asking me on the phone. I know that I'm not the only wife in America going through the pre-deployment blues, but this is my blog and this is what is happening in my life.

We have to talk about death. Not obsessively, but realistically. What happens to Autumn and me, where do we go, what do you want me to do with the money, where do you want to be buried? What if something happens to me? All this talk upsets me. I cried myself to sleep last night. The thought of losing you is unbearable. We've joked around about hitting the lottery if you die, but that is far from how I would feel about it.

I am hoping that by writing and getting this off my chest, it will help alleviate some of the stress. I don't want to spend the last few weeks of your time here, crying and stressed out. In the end, what really matters is saying what needs to be said.

I love you. Autumn loves you. Our world would be turned upside down if we lost you. I pray for your safety constantly and I know in my heart you will return to us. We will miss you when you leave (me just as much if not more than Autumn).