Genesis 31:49

"May the LORD watch between you and me when we are absent one from the other."


I once again have your wedding band about my necklace, close to my heart. Undoubtedly, I will be fiddling with it a lot the next few weeks. This morning was rough. I just did not want to let you go.

I put on my strong face. I don't want to cry, but I want to cry.


I want to hold you, but I have to let go.

I keep thinking what if this is the last time we ever get to see you.

I push that thought from my mind.


I don't want her heart to break.


Or hers.


I don't want to parent alone.

I don't want to be alone.

I don't want to sleep without you.

I don't want to worry about where you are. Are you warm? Are you safe?


I don't want to see your cup on the counter and completely lose what little bit of strength I have left and just sob.


I long for the day when


Is daddy going to die?


Will daddy have his gun to fight the bad people?

to not be a "normal conversation in our house.


Autumn just very casually mentions your death several times a day. I answer her questions and reassure her that you will be safe.


I turn my head and cringe that these are the thoughts in the mind of a seven year old. A four year old.

I long for this kind of separation to end.

I know we are almost there.

You can hang up your hat.

We can close this chapter in our life, but this deployment, this chapter begins today.

I promise to hold you close to my heart.

To diligently pray for your safety.

I promise to fix repurchase any electronics I break while you are gone.

I promise to hold our children close.

To protect their hearts. Their minds. Their bodies.

I promise to be the kind of wife that makes you proud.

Makes you feel secure.

I promise to keep you in the loop.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Psalm 91

1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”

3 Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,

10 no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”

Your Current Wife and Favorite Airman. xoxo
Day 1 without you.