One of those days.
I do find irony in the fact that the past two weeks at church, the sermon has been dedicated to Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
I know I have issues I need to work on within myself if I ever expect for Autumn or Millie (mostly Autumn) to be able to deal with their own issues.
Can I take a mom moment here and say that I hate how much Autumn acts just like me. She forces me to face my problems straight on. She forces me to look at myself and say, I am acting this way because you do. She forces me to see myself.
Most of the time, I like what I see when I look at myself, but the things that are ugly, the things that need work, she forces me to see them.
I have a hot temper. Sometimes I punish out of anger. Sometimes I lose control of myself I am so angry. Sometimes I yell. Today, Autumn did all of those things.
How can I expect Autumn to NOT act that way, if I act that way? How can I expect her to gain control or composure if I have lost control or composure? How can I point out the speck in her eye when there is a giant PLANK in my own eye.
In a million years I never expected for motherhood to teach me how to confront myself.
This is what you have been dealing with our whole marriage? Maybe I need lessons from you, since you seem to be the Cherish expert. How do you remain calm? How do you reason with someone who refuses to be reasoned with?
It isn't important what started off this whole chain of events, but what is important is how it ended.
We were in a public place when Autumn's melt down commenced and the only thing I could think to do was get out of the public eye. After placing Autumn in the car, I began buckling Millie in. Autumn was screaming, kicking, crying, and yelling.
Once I started driving, Autumn began throwing things at me. She hit me with Millie's purse so hard that it caused me to bleed. She unbuckled herself multiple times, once while I was driving. I was forced to pull over. I found a mostly empty parking lot (Hobby Lobby) and pulled her out of the car. I placed her on the curb.
I explained to Autumn that as soon as she was calm, she could get back in the car. We probably both sat there for about ten minutes. I noticed being out in the open, in the breeze, it was calming me too. I was so angry with Autumn that I was shaking. I mean every last part of my body was shaking with anger. I kept reminding myself, if you aren't calm, she isn't going to be calm. Once Autumn stopped crying I sat down next to her and had a talk with her.
I decided it would be best to handle one problem at a time. The most immediate problem was the unbuckling the seat belt. I told her that if she unbuckled her seat belt again that we would go to the store and buy a baby car seat (5 pt harness) and she wouldn't be able to unbuckle herself. It was up to her, did she want to sit in the big kid car seat or a baby one. She chose the big kid car seat. I noticed now that Autumn's entire demeanor had changed.
Because I'm staring myself in the face when I look at Autumn I have to ask myself, shouldn't I, of all people, be able figure out how to talk to her, how to get through to her? Well now that I am completely calm and full of food I guess I can better answer this. When I'm really angry, I need to be by myself for a few minutes. I need time to gather my thoughts and opinions. Sometimes this isn't always possible. I need to teach Autumn, therefore myself how to not let things get that far and how to handle things in the event you cannot have a few moments to yourself.
Sometimes this being a mom thing is hard. It is especially hard when you are not here. At the heart of it, we are sad and we miss you and it is causing Autumn to act out. I know that there are the previously mentioned issues that we DO need to work on, but how do you fix a little girl who is missing her dad?
The rest of the day has been OK.
Autumn was excited to get a package from my mom.
Millie did too!
A princess dress (that is a 2T and it is huge!).
Autumn loves her outfit. I tried to tell her I thought it was too hot to wear it right then, but she insisted.
We walked down to the lake.
We walked around the lake.
Then we headed home. It was hot!
Here I am ready for church this morning. This was pre apocalyptic Autumn!
So I know you find great humor in this situation I find myself in and I guess in a way, I don't blame you for finding the humor in it, but I just wish that Autumn and I didn't struggle the way we do. It really makes me worry about the teenage years. Am I going to survive it?
Your current wife and favorite airman. xoxo
The count: 93 days of total meltdowns without you.
I know I have issues I need to work on within myself if I ever expect for Autumn or Millie (mostly Autumn) to be able to deal with their own issues.
Can I take a mom moment here and say that I hate how much Autumn acts just like me. She forces me to face my problems straight on. She forces me to look at myself and say, I am acting this way because you do. She forces me to see myself.
Most of the time, I like what I see when I look at myself, but the things that are ugly, the things that need work, she forces me to see them.
I have a hot temper. Sometimes I punish out of anger. Sometimes I lose control of myself I am so angry. Sometimes I yell. Today, Autumn did all of those things.
How can I expect Autumn to NOT act that way, if I act that way? How can I expect her to gain control or composure if I have lost control or composure? How can I point out the speck in her eye when there is a giant PLANK in my own eye.
In a million years I never expected for motherhood to teach me how to confront myself.
This is what you have been dealing with our whole marriage? Maybe I need lessons from you, since you seem to be the Cherish expert. How do you remain calm? How do you reason with someone who refuses to be reasoned with?
It isn't important what started off this whole chain of events, but what is important is how it ended.
We were in a public place when Autumn's melt down commenced and the only thing I could think to do was get out of the public eye. After placing Autumn in the car, I began buckling Millie in. Autumn was screaming, kicking, crying, and yelling.
Once I started driving, Autumn began throwing things at me. She hit me with Millie's purse so hard that it caused me to bleed. She unbuckled herself multiple times, once while I was driving. I was forced to pull over. I found a mostly empty parking lot (Hobby Lobby) and pulled her out of the car. I placed her on the curb.
I explained to Autumn that as soon as she was calm, she could get back in the car. We probably both sat there for about ten minutes. I noticed being out in the open, in the breeze, it was calming me too. I was so angry with Autumn that I was shaking. I mean every last part of my body was shaking with anger. I kept reminding myself, if you aren't calm, she isn't going to be calm. Once Autumn stopped crying I sat down next to her and had a talk with her.
I decided it would be best to handle one problem at a time. The most immediate problem was the unbuckling the seat belt. I told her that if she unbuckled her seat belt again that we would go to the store and buy a baby car seat (5 pt harness) and she wouldn't be able to unbuckle herself. It was up to her, did she want to sit in the big kid car seat or a baby one. She chose the big kid car seat. I noticed now that Autumn's entire demeanor had changed.
Because I'm staring myself in the face when I look at Autumn I have to ask myself, shouldn't I, of all people, be able figure out how to talk to her, how to get through to her? Well now that I am completely calm and full of food I guess I can better answer this. When I'm really angry, I need to be by myself for a few minutes. I need time to gather my thoughts and opinions. Sometimes this isn't always possible. I need to teach Autumn, therefore myself how to not let things get that far and how to handle things in the event you cannot have a few moments to yourself.
Sometimes this being a mom thing is hard. It is especially hard when you are not here. At the heart of it, we are sad and we miss you and it is causing Autumn to act out. I know that there are the previously mentioned issues that we DO need to work on, but how do you fix a little girl who is missing her dad?
The rest of the day has been OK.
Autumn was excited to get a package from my mom.
Millie did too!
A princess dress (that is a 2T and it is huge!).
Autumn loves her outfit. I tried to tell her I thought it was too hot to wear it right then, but she insisted.
We walked down to the lake.
We walked around the lake.
Then we headed home. It was hot!
Here I am ready for church this morning. This was pre apocalyptic Autumn!
So I know you find great humor in this situation I find myself in and I guess in a way, I don't blame you for finding the humor in it, but I just wish that Autumn and I didn't struggle the way we do. It really makes me worry about the teenage years. Am I going to survive it?
Your current wife and favorite airman. xoxo
The count: 93 days of total meltdowns without you.
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