Scratch my head.

I have been meaning to post some pictures of the girls crafts they made at school.

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I just love this! It is Millie's.

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This one is Autumn's.

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I know the saying on this says "sweet little child," but do you see Millie's hand prints? They look huge!

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Manger.

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I have to hide these things from Millie, the destroyer. She tears them up. I want these keepsakes for as long as I can have them. I need to put them in a box marked Christmas and put them in the attic before they disappear!

We were going to stay home today, because the weather forecast was terrible. Wind, rain, possible tornadoes, but the rain slowed down to a trickle late this morning and I was itching to get out of the house.

I got changed in the bathroom, pulled my pj pants off, put my tennis shoes on and started to walk out when I realized, that it was quite:

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breezy. I couldn't help but laugh. And laugh. And laugh some more. Then take a picture, because that is freaking hilarious. Who does that? How far would Autumn have let me get in my panties, knee high socks and a coat? I think it was those knee highs that did me in. It felt like I had something else on. So, I got dressed for real and we went over to Target. I had a gift card to there and I wanted to get out of the house for a bit.

The girls both picked out a dress (on clearance: I got one for $4 and the other for $9). YAY! We had lunch at Panera, well I did anyway. We've been home ever since. I made some chicken cordon bleu for dinner. The girls ate it up as did I. There will be enough for lunch tomorrow. I wasn't sure if they were going to eat it or not, but they did. We are planning to have dinner with Jennifer tomorrow, Chinese food. I do enjoy Chinese food from time to time.

I am feeling a little sad today. I mean I am alright and everything, but there are a few things weighing on my heart.

Aunt Bee posted a picture of what a baby would like at 12 weeks. I understand why people do that, post pictures of what unborn babies look like, but I wish for a moment they would consider the audience. I guess the culture we live in now is all about shock value and what is more shocking than a fetus at 12 weeks? My beef with it is that it disturbs me, emotionally, spiritually. I lost a baby at twelve weeks. It was hard enough to go through that, but every time I turn around, some person is posting pictures on facebook. It haunts me. It brings my grief to the surface. It hurts. I guess it is important to have those kinds of hurts, because that makes me human and it means that I have lived and loved, but for a moment, just a single moment can people not consider how posting those sorts of pictures can cause pain to others?

Tomorrow is the due date for the son that Angie lost. My tears fall freely for her and the road she has traveled. I wish I could take her pain and carry it for her. I wish I could bring her peace of heart and mind. It is hard to make sense of miscarriages. It is not easy to figure out how to deal with the grief of a child lost. What I have learned from it is that from ashes come beauty. From the loss of my two sweet babies have come two sweet girls, Autumn and Emelia. I have an appreciation of them that I just do not know I would have had I not first experienced a loss. I celebrate in the knowledge that from pain and suffering comes laughter and joy.

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Love.

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Silliness.

Thank you for letting me get that off my mind. It feels good to let it out.

Autumn wanted me to show you her:

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Fashion.

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I wanted to show you how my Christmas present was "wrapped"! The girls have been carrying it over to me, but I told them it was my Christmas gift and we needed to wait until Christmas to open it.

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I really cannot say what the deal was with the sunglasses today. They just wanted to wear them.

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Those girls make me laugh on an almost continual basis.

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They miss you Sean Jordan. I know you miss them too. Autumn asked me to call you today. She did not understand that I could not call you. She asked me if you had your phone and I told her you did, but that it doesn't work where you are.

I am sure you are wondering about the title of my post.... I am getting to it. Before I do though, your children are watching "The Nightmare Before Christmas!" Definitely a top 5 movie for Autumn and Millie.

I love you Sean the bomb. I miss you so much. Your current wife and favorite airman. xoxo

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The count: 118 and 48 days of head scratching situations!

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