Wanting that which I cannot have.

It has been just one of those days.

I guess this is going to be a rant.

People get on my nerves. People on my facebook get on my nerves. I honestly do not know why I bother with it, other than I like being able to see the pictures and things that my sister's post and other family members and close friends.

I really should go through and delete people again, but then that opens a whole new can of worms. I do my best to follow your advice and not acknowledge in any way the one that is really bothering me, but they never STOP! I know it is bad karma, but what I would give to punch these stupid banana's in their face!

So, I got the fake offer to check out my computer and when it was discovered that we, like a brazillion other people have windows, I was told, nope, cannot help you. Whatever. I think the computer is fine anyway.

In good news, the specialist was very pleased with Millie's progress. Over the last month or so, Millie has been switching which eye is straight and which one is crooked. It is happening so frequently, that I often have to remind myself which eye is supposed to be the bad eye. According to the specialist, this is good because that means Millie is not favoring one eye over the other. It also means that it is definitely not poor vision causing Millie's eye problem.

The specialist said that it is like being right handed and learning to write with your left hand, now you can write with either hand. This proves that both Millie's eyes are working and now we just need to get her eyes on the same page.

Starting tomorrow we will start atropine therapy for 3 days. That should last about 1.5 weeks to 2 weeks. It will cause Millie to want to wear her glasses (which I am not all that sure I agree with this method, but I'm at a loss for other options). After two weeks, if Millie is still giving me a hard time with her glasses, we repeat the atropine therapy for 3 days.

I am to start keeping a log of things related to Millie's eyes. The atropine therapy, how it is working, how often Millie uses which eye, how often/what percentage of the time are her eyes straight (I've only seen Millie's eye straight once in the past month), etc.

I will keep this journal and then we go back to see the specialist in November. If Millie and her eyes have accepted her glasses, they can get the measurements they need to proceed with surgery. If not, we will have to do another round of atropine therapy. I am in hopes that Millie will accept her glasses and that we will continue to see improvement.

The specialist told me that Millie will still require surgery, she tells me this every time we see her. When I mentioned to her about eye patching to force the eye to assimilate to the glasses, she told me absolutely not. That Millie's problem is not to do with the vision and that is what eye patching is for/helps. Basically the vision is much worse in one eye causing the weak eye to roam. By closing the good eye, you force the weak eye to get stronger. In Millie's case, this would do her no good.

I hope that this makes sense to you and that I covered enough of what was said so that you feel well informed.

So I'm sorry if the beginning of this didn't spell out exactly what was wrong with me. I feel grouchy about people being in my business and I guess that is my own fault because I put it out there.

Mostly, I just miss you. A lot. I catch myself crying frequently because it feels like this is never ever going to end. I know that I am not alone and that we are here for each other spiritually, emotionally, but I want to touch your face and feel your hand in mine. I want your shoulder to cry on, your arms around me to hold me. I just want you.

The count: 55 days of wanting.

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